do you even care?

i hate how you dont care, i wish you would care about me a little more than you do now. i dont know if you notice, but i've been giving out signs & seeing if you would question it. but you dont. sometimes i wonder if you even care in the beginning like you said you do. there are soo many moments where i wanna just spill my heart to you because you dont realize how badly your hurting me. right now im in a position where i care, but i really dont anymore. im not going to give my all when i feel your not even giving me half of your effort. i realized that no matter how many times i say whats bothering me, its like you dont do anything about it. i hate sitting here & always feeling insecere. i honesty do not know what to do anymore. theres sooo much going through my head that i can't even explain to you.

COUSIN; i miss you like no other. after finding out where you really are, just made me realize how much you did for me & cared for me. you never let the bad things get me, basically was my protector. i thought you were crazy and being overprotective because i was the baby of the family. always been put up with me & my shit but still been there like you came to downtown to comfort me after the situation from the club. i would never forget it because you hunted those guys like there was no tomorrow for putting their hands on me. i was so caught up in my surroundings i never realized i haven't heard from you for the past year. & after hearing from you, makes me tear up every time i think about it. just the things you said to me hurt me because i know your at a place where danger is everywhere. i just want to protect you & make sure nothing happens to you. i seen the place & just picturing you in there is heart breaking. i didn't want to spend that phone call asking why you in there & how long will it be because i know i wont be hearing from you for a longg time. & no its not the end of the world, but i care about your safety just as much you did for me when you were here back home. you told me to keep moving forward & focus on my dreams because you believe in me that i can make a difference & that i will make you proud. also, to not worry about you because you will be out soon & to stay safe. i honestly didn't know what to say after that. i was just speechless because i know how much you care. we were both holding back tears. well i miss you cousin, everyone misses you. our family gatherings wont be the same till your here, but i know that day will come soon.





goodnight world; more to come .